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By Atomic Zagnut
The river used to be beautiful. It isn’t anymore, though. Ever since the summer began, there hasn’t been a drop of rain. There hasn’t even been a cloud in the sky. At first, I was enjoying the beautiful weather. However, it didn’t take long to realize that a full scale drought was at hand. The first sign was the river that ran through our town. It had been dropping little by little each day. By now, all that remained were puddles, scattered throughout the moist brown mud that was once called a river. Then, the temperature started getting higher and higher. Some people went to the local pool to cool off, but that only had a 500 person capacity, so it was always crammed. These were the thoughts inside my head as I walked across the bridge that should have spanned a river. I was heading downtown to a general store. I’m going there to get a new barometer. The needle fell off my old one. It was really messed up any way. Last time I looked, the needle was at 45 inches of pressure per cubic centimeter. Just a little more pressure and that could crush a person. It must have been broken. As I walked to the general store an old man in a ragged and torn cloak approached me. His unkempt beard and gnarly hair were about a foot longer than normal. He approached me and started screaming at me about the apocalypse and such. I don’t really like raving lunatics myself. I gave him a quarter and walked on, sick of hearing about Armageddon. After what seemed like a long time I arrived at the store. When I requested a new barometer, the clerk said that they were all broken. I thought that maybe the end was near, for barometers, that is. It doesn’t really matter, the air pressure isn’t important any way. It’s just one of those miniscule facts that a few people seem to enjoy knowing. When I got home the fence I had set up in my yard had fallen over. I wonder how that could have happened since the wind hasn’t blown in months. I walked into my house and sat down on the couch to watch the news. I learned that there was currently a mass disappearance of babies all over the world. I am single, so I have no reason to worry about that. I wonder why, though. According to the news, the police are speculating that it’s a worldwide satanic cult. Then, the weather came on. The temperature was 96 degrees. They claimed they were currently incapable of getting an air pressure reading. I didn’t understand what was happening with all the barometers. Perhaps, they had all gathered in a dark room one night and decided to stop working. Whatever they had done, it was causing me to get a headache. That headache didn’t go away, either. The next day, I called in sick for work. My whole body ached. Maybe it was stress. My fence had fallen over and my whole house was in shambles. It was probably on the verge of collapsing. Then, who could forget the added factor of the barometer conspiracy. I couldn’t stand it much longer. I was on the verge of having a major nervous breakdown. Then, all of my thoughts were shattered by one blood curdling scream. I ran outside the house to see what was the matter. I found out too late. My neighbor was trying to run out of her house as it fell apart on top of her. Then my house fell apart too. I was glad I had gotten out of my house in time. Although, I had a horrible feeling I wouldn’t be so glad in a minute. Within seconds, every structure within sight had been crushed. They had been knocked over as a toddler knocked over blocks. Then my body really ached. I felt as though every bone in my body was on the brink of breaking. Then they all did. By now, I could see no debris from all the havoc that just took place. Suddenly, I thought back to when I was in school. I remembered science class. The words of the teacher wouldn’t leave my head. It was so vivid right now but at the time I thought nothing of it. The statement echoed in my mind: “As the air pressure increases the chance of rainfall decreases.” Why hadn’t I seen it before? The small children were disappearing because their structures were weaker than ours and couldn’t handle the pressure. The air pressure. That useless fact that no one ever pays attention to was killing us. I wanted to shout it out and leap for joy, but I had no internal structure to support me. I was merely a blob of soft tissues and so was everyone else. As I slowly compacted into nothing, I thought to myself why are the raving lunatics always right in the end?